THIS TIME ITS WAR

After what seems like months sneaking behind everyone's backs, secret emails, whispered phone calls and sneaking off into corners with Mr Shaw for secret talks. I can finally announce our greatest outing yet.

On the 27th July The Gentlemen's Outing Association will be shooting the shit out of each other at Rednal Paintball Arena. I have already got a few of you on my hit list so be warned. I am also aware who Mr Shaw has earmarked for some special treatment. You all know the details by now.

So now that the para-military wing of The Gentlemen's Outing Association has been formed, it is essential that as many recruits as possible attend this intensive training camp, so if anyone from other, less, organised shifts, wish to join us for the day, then I'm sure we will be able to accommodate them.

Don't be fooled into thinking this is going to just be a fun day out, with lots of shooting, pisstaking, laughing and afterwards beer.

Oh no there is a serious side to this.

This is just the first step towards our goal of establishing The Gentlemen's Republic of Rowan... Oh yes, one day dear comrade, we shall break free from the yoke of tyranny that the evil dictator Tommy Murphy has placed around our necks.

One day we shall have breaks that will last as long as we wish, breaks that can be enjoyed without being spied upon by clock watching Irishmen. One day we shall only boil the tomatoes that we want to boil, and not have to boil tomatoes just to please those traitors of the skiving classes who wear collars and ties. One day all fork lift trucks will have air con and internet access. One day we will be able to order proper food in the canteen, food like fried egg and chips. One day (dare I say it) the coffee from the vending machines will taste of ...coffee.

One day all of this can come true, but only if we we train hard and plan well. You owe it not just to yourselves, but to your children, to work towards the day when we can hold up our heads and say proudly, " I am a Gentleman".

We must not underrate the gravity of the task which lies before us or the temerity of the ordeal, to which we shall not be found unequal. We must expect many disappointments, and many unpleasant surprises, but we may be sure that the task which we have freely accepted is one not beyond the compass and the strength of The Gentlemens Outing Association.