I am going to get straight to the point for a change and say I was completely gobsmacked at the turn of events last Tuesday.
The day had started off as normal. The taxi picked me up and inside already waiting for his first pint was Mr Higgins. We then met Mr Roberts at the train station and when we boarded the train we met Mr Richards. Our journey to Chester was wrought with the usual frivolous conversations. As we disembarked at Chester Station and entered The Town Crier Mr Hawker was sat waiting with a pint in hand. Mr Richards promptly ordered a round and we all took our seats. After 10 minutes or so our pints had been drained and it was time for another pint. It was at this precise moment that Mr Hawker decided to go to the bar. Shouts of:
“Mines a Guinness”
“Mines a Bitter”
“Mines a Lager”
and
“I will have anything”
rang around the bar like the cascading melodies of a group of Angels. Mr Hawkers face turned to thunder and I am not sure what it was that he said exactly apart from the fact that it contained the words:
Fuck
Bollocks
Taking
The
Piss
Wankers
Then my phone went off. It was a text message from Mr Shaw which read
“Just pulled into Chester Station. Make mine a double”.
It was at this point that Mr Hawkers head nearly exploded. Getting five pints in for the Gentlemen was bad enough but to also buy a double whisky for Mr Shaw nearly tipped him over the edge. I for one can honestly say I worried about his mental health for a split second then thought better of it.
As we all sat around laughing and waiting for our ale to be brought over I took it upon myself to take a picture of this momentous occasion for prosperity.
After a few more pints Mr Shaw decided that it was time for us both to go and book the restaurant for Christmas. I must say I was impressed by the look of The Siam Thai & Teppan-Yaki Restaurant and at the prices they charge it had better be bloody good.
Mr Shaw the fate of The Gentlemen's Christmas 2nd Annual Soiree meal rests on your shoulders. It was then back to The Town Crier for another quick pint before we set off to Riley's.
It would be remiss of me not to mention that the ale was going down quicker than Sir John Mills pint in Ice Cold in Alex and this was a trend that would continue throughout the day. Round after round after round was bought and consumed.
Mr Hawker, Mr Richards and Myself spent the majority of the day soaking up the sun and soaking our kidneys in alcohol. We had struck lucky. The weather was gorgeous last Tuesday so we decided to make the most of it. We only entered Riley's to buy more beer and to organise The Gentlemen's Second Annual Christmas Soiree but those details are for another day. We hardly played pool all day but when we eventually decided to have a few games it was Team Hawker V's Team Richards and Team Richards were victorious. A sound thrashing of TWO games to NIL was the order of the day and Mr Richards and myself celebrated accordingly, high fives were exchanged, much back slapping followed and a celebratory pint was downed.
It was then time to head out for our meal. Now I must confess that I had charged Mr Hawker with finding us with an Indian Restaurant for the night. But in typical fashion I had spied a nice looking restaurant on the internet which had brilliant reviews and charged ahead and booked it there and then for 19:30. Now this is where I must humbly apologise to all The Gentlemen who attended that restaurant. This was one of the worst meals I have ever had. The food was completely bland and was bereft of any flavours whatsoever. It was at this point that Mr Hawker decided to remind me that I had overruled him and booked this horrific restaurant that we were now sitting in and complaining about.
Mr Hawker I offer you a personal apology and I must also apologise to the other diners that night as Mr Hawker, Mr Richards and Myself spent most of the night getting up from our table and going outside for a smoke so we could at least have some taste even if it was just tobacco.
I was in a bind but a surprising figure was about to come to my rescue.
Now I have had to keep quiet about this for the last three weeks and the anticipation on that day was beginning to tell. I was getting twitchy and nervous but I was about to play my ace card. As the moaning and grumbling continued I reached into my wallet and pulled out a nice roll of notes. The total was £50 and as I proclaimed,
“The beers are on Oscar Mayer”
There was a deafening silence. The Gentlemen looked at me as if I was insane. I heard murmuring and mumbling but could not quite make out what was being said. Quickly I called the waiter over and ordered everyone a pint or bottle of beer. This just prompted a barrage of questions:
“We stopped buying rounds in Riley's. What you doing”?
“You sure you can afford it bollocks”?
“I didn't know there was a cash machine in here. Where is it”?
“What you doin shag? Your gonna be skint”.
Now it was time to come clean. A few weeks ago I had been told by Mr Shaw that a very prominent member of the Oscar Mayer staff had been enquiring about our next outing and upon hearing that we were going to Riley's and then for a meal he had offered us £50 to get some refreshments. Stunned faces stared at me across the table and a huge smile broke across my face as I revealed our mystery benefactor:
Unfortunately I do not have a picture of this great man but I will endeavour to get one.
Suddenly and without warning the mood changed. Its funny how free ale can do that to an evening but I digress.
Cheers of:
“Top bloke that Trev”
“I have always liked him”
“He's always got time for the little people”
“One of the nicest blokes in the factory”
and
“He's the best Managing Director I have ever worked for”
resounded around the restaurant.
As six of The Gentlemen's finest toasted Trevor and consumed the remaining bar tab all that was left to do was bid Chester a goodnight and to reassure her that The Gentlemen's Outing Association would be back within her borders this coming October.
