Those of you who have followed the adventures of The Gentlemen will recall that some time ago a small band of brave souls went to Rednal to test our mettle in combat, and a resounding success it was. Many a tale has been told of that fine day and perhaps those tales led to the impressive turnout when we once more kissed our loved ones farewell, and with the cry of "Come home with your shield, or on it" ringing in our ears, we faced our fears and went to our destiny.
It was at the traditional meeting place of Warriors, namely McDonald's, that we met, some were quiet and nervous, others rowdy with a forced bravado, more still got stuck into double Sausage and Egg McMuffins and cared not, that the cammo face paint was running down their cheeks.
When the bus arrived, driven by the ever dependable Mr Smith, we loaded our bags and climbed on board, only to realise that several of our Polish comrades had disappeared to stock up on liquid refreshment. As we sat waiting a poor innocent young man, whose job consisted of giving away free samples of a chocolate snack, wandered too close to the bus, he barely escaped with his life, needless to say, the sound of chomping was prominent for several minutes afterwards.
Once the missing Gentlemen had returned, we set off, this time in convoy, the bus leading the way with Mr Sailsburys' party in second place followed by the car driven by Mr Maciejewski.
Upon arrival at Rednal we were greeted by the sight of those Gentlemen who had made their own way there, an impressive feat for Mr Hughes who had had to ring the President en route and ask for directions!
As we got ourselves kitted out, the veterans of the first battle helped the new recruits with the complexities of body armour, Gareth, the man in charge of the day, introduced himself and explained the rules of engagement. He then called the sides to order "Gentlemen of the Polish Army to the left, and everyone else to the right". It quickly became apparent that the sides where unbalanced and volunteers where called for to help out the Eastern European side.
Several Gentlemen crossed the line,to jeers of derision, amongst them, Mr Smith (Chasing another trophy), Mr Worral and unsurprisingly, Mr Hollis whose stated ambition it was to "Take Out" the President.
As we faced our opponents we realised that it would again be a battle of youth and military experience versus middle age, chronic unfitness and three girls.
Ah yes, three of the so called gentle sex had thrown away the stereotypes and joined us in combat, they stood next to us shoulder to shoulder staring down the Polish side, who could barely contain their snigger's as they stared back.
The first battle was capture the rocket with the largely (but not wholly) Welsh side defending, after some eight minutes of intense fighting the rocket was captured by the Polish Army and we went to the rest area to catch our breaths and stare in disbelief at how ma
ny paintballs we has used. The air of confidence on the victorious side was not so much obvious, as rude, with some name calling, laughing and pointing of fingers. Now we were on the attack and after only six and a half minutes the rocket was ours, giving us the points in the game. Suddenly the atmosphere changed as the catcalling came back to haunt our opponents.
Gareth, at this point, decided that he would keep the times and scores to himself to add to the tension of the day.
And so we fought on;
The highlights of the days fighting are many and varied, I will give you
a taste of just a few;
Mr Richards deciding to make a heroes leap of more than 6 foot into a trench the bottom of which was covered in rocks, unfortunately he broke his ankle, but for commitment to the cause, Dewi, we salute you.
Mr Jones for his astonishing running commentary on the battles as they happened, I can only quote the words of Mr Ross Sailsbury who told this tale in the pub afterward,
"I was fighting by the bus when Jez shouted "There are three of them advancing by the building" I thought to myself, I wouldn't have said advancing, but ok. The next thing Jez shouts is "They are flanking from the left", now I don't even know what that means!"The President for his pure enjoyment of speedball. He may only run once a year, but boy, it is a sight too see.
Mr Adam Maciejewski for taking a hit in the family jewels and going down like a sack of spuds.
The complete lack of concern for Mr Maciejewski's well being by our team members or even his own, apparently taking one in the goolies is funny in Polish as well!
Mr Craig Sailsbury for screaming "
I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in I'm in" when wearing the VIP vest.
Mr Greg Sobczak for taking it all far too seriously. He looked really really annoyed when his side started to lose.
Mr John Hollis who never said a word all day, and come to think of of no one can remember seeing him during any of the battles.
Mr Scott Millward for going home after half a day (well at least he turned up this time).
Miss Claire Fryer for keeping score of how many kills she had all day, and enjoying every minute it would seem.
Mr Peter Karpeta for his demonstration of the tiger crawl by the tyres, it wasn't meant to be funny but it was.
Mr Smith and Mr Jones for being presented with sergeants and corporals stripes respectively.
And finally my good self for getting shot in the stomach from 4 inches away and getting rather cross about it, for a while anyway.
When all the battles had been fought and all the paintballs fired, out came the chilled beer and the bullshit started to flow in earnest.
After a short while Gareth called everyones' attention and announced that the winners were......US! Somehow we had won.
Old Men, Fat Men and Girls had won the day.
The shock of victory took us all by suprise no one more so that our good President who celebrated with a war dance that would have made Billy Two Rivers proud.
The winners where then presented with a golden medal each and a magnificent trophy was presented to the President who only grudgingly let go of it for the rest of the day, and then only so photos could be taken.
On the journey to the Pub the mini bus had a strangely quiet atmosphere as the alcohol started to kick in and the aches and pains began to introduce themselves.
After dropping Dewi off at hospital to get his wounds treated we carried on to our destination.
Once we had arrived things livened up with stories of heroism flying thick and fast, Mr Smith in particular seemed to claim every hit made that day.
Sadly, soon enough several Gentlemen started to drift off home, some with tales of valour and some with their tales between their legs knowing that they would be reminded of this day many many times over the coming months.
Just as everything seemed to be drawing to a close a cake arrived in celebration of Mr Sailsbury's 40th birthday, and what a cake it was... Mr Sailsbury kindly brought some into work on our next shift and he was soon left with crumbs and memories.
As another successful outing drew to a close everybody raised a glass in thanks to Mr Steven Millward, our fine President who had organised a tremendous day for us all.
Don't forget Gentlemen that in September we shall be indulging in a little Motor Sport. I look forward to seeing you all there.
